Hey there!! Just wanted to post an update saying that I AM BACK!!! I have just gotten into Mt. Vernon after riding the cursed Greyhound bus all night. And joys of all joys I have to stay awake all day so that I can sleep tonight so that I can be well rested for school tomorrow. "And that's all I have to say about that!!" ... for now. Di

location: Mt. Vernon mood: I am home!! music: None currently, but whatever Ellie decides to play.

Just wanted to say that I typed the last entry kinda fast and was stupid not to spell check it first. So I wanted to say that yes, I realized that I made a mistake and that it is "giving" not "gicing"

That's all for now... ;) :P

hey... just gicing a shout out to let you know that I am sorry that I haven't been on in a while and that I miss you all... life has been absolutely crazy... I will be going back to skagit for a while to finish some things up over there and then I will be moving back to Sprague... which is where I am now... so I update when I can... hugs and kisses and love for all!!

location: Sprague mood: indescribable

Why do people have to be so stupid?? Why do they have to hurt the ones that they love?? Why do they have to destroy and hurt those that try to help them?? As one of my best friends would say... "I do NOT grok this!!" I have noticed in this world the people that try to help others are usually the ones that have to deal with the most pain. I happen to be one of those people... so does my roommate. I haven't had the hardest of lives, but mine was not the greatest. I do know that I have tried to live everyday making the best of the hand that has been dealt me. And it doesn't seem to matter how nice I am to people or how hard I try, I still get hurt. However, me getting hurt is not the reason that I am posting tonight. My roommate, Miss Ellie, was the one that was hurt tonight. Another roommate of ours, who will remain nameless because I do not wish to type his name, was an ass tonight. I have seen Ellie do nothing but put up with him since I moved in with them. For once in my life I am glad that somebody found me so attractive that they just had to have me, because if he hadn't I wouldn't have been brought to live here and I wouldn't have meat Elli. I don't think that she would have made it this far without me either. For that I am grateful. now the problem that we are dealing with is that we have to get her out of here and to another state... we have no idea how we are going to get the money for this, all we know is that it needs to be got.

I know that this post may not make all that much sense, and for that I am sorry... but I just needed to type...

mood: grumpy music: Linkin Park

Okay... so my question is this, why do something with somebody, kinda lead them on in thinking that they are important to you and then turn around and treat someone they know better than that?? Okay... now for those people not in the knowing on the situation, here is the explanation:

I had a friend, someone who became really special to me. I did things with them that I would never have done with anybody else. They helped me when I needed somebody. They paid attention when attention needed paying. They did what they could to help me when I needed help. I thought that we were kinda important to each other. I was really into this person. I felt like they knew me and that I knew them pretty well. They were important to me. They meant ALOT to me. If they hadn't, I wouldn't have done the things with them that I had. I let down my barriers around them. And now I find out that it seems I was just there for their convenience. That the only reason they did with me what they did was because nobody else was there for them to do it with. I don't know, maybe that's not the case, but that is sure as hell what it feels like.

The reason that this makes me so upset is because this person is not the first person to do this to me. I was on and off for three years with a guy that never appreciated me. He only came to me when nobody else would have him. I guess because I am a sucker for being there for people. He was able to get behind my barriers also, and took it for granted. I loved him, just like I loved the other person. Why do I have to love people that don't love me, not in the same way?? I don't understand why people have to do this to me. They treat me like I am the world to them, or REALLY important and then ditch me when someone better, or new comes along. I am getting really tired of giving everything that I can to people, when I can give it and then having to go through this.

I was feeling bad just this morning because I finally found somebody (Mike)that is saying and doing everything that I imagined my forever love would do and say, and I still had feelings for the other person. And now I feel really stupid for holding back with Mike. I was afraid to say things to him and to let him in because I didn't want to lead him on to much, because deep down I was still holding out for the one person. And now I want to know why?? Why do this to me??

mood: crushed music: Disturbed- Shout 2000

I am currently highly irritated. For two reasons. One is that I have a best friend who is with a girl who doesn't treat her the way that I feel she should be treated. Two is becuase a friend that I have keeps hurting me. I don't think that they mean to, but they are. I don't know what to do at this point. I have tried saying something in subtle ways, and sometimes being blunt, but I don't think that the person is getting the message. Heck, sometimes I wonder if they even care all that much anymore. I know that they did. Heck, at one point they made me feel hella important and special. It's just that here lately, even though the person talks to me, they don't seem as interested, and doesn't reply in the way they did before. I have tried telling myself that it is just my imagination, but I really don't think that it is. As a matter of fact, I know that it isn't. However, even though I have tried to mention how I feel to this person multuple times, they don't seem to be getting it, or they do and just choose not to explain to me what happened. I don't know what to do anymore. I am tired of trying to go on pretending that I don't feel the way thst I feel or that I don't think what I think. So I guess I will just leave it up to them to figure out if they still want to talk to me or not, if they want me in their life or not. And now it is time to end with a silly movie quote... " And that's all I have to say about that!!"

mood: frustrated

Okay... This would be my first post. I'm not exactly sure what to say. So I guess I will tell you that life is good currently... just saw one of the most retarded commercials on T.V. But it's T.V., that's to be expected right?? Yeah...